Cycledork wishes for webbed feet. With cleats.

As our nontropical storm continued into a second day, I faced the question so many two-wheeled men have but so few admit: what to wear? This question has been critical lately as I've prepared to ride in the rain. The good news is that most of my wardrobe is now set — even if half of it could stand improvement. Since the weather's cooled I wear a long-sleeve jersey or wicking t-shirt and my waterproof, windproof, bright red Patagonia synthetic hooded pullover. If the temperature's below 35 or so, I wear my cardinal-red Ibex wool hooded pullover in between. No use weaseling: I paid through the nose for those last two garments. On the other hand they perform up to every expectation for dryness and warmth, respectively, that I could have. Deciding what to wear over my torso is even more straightforward than picking my ride. If it's not raining in the morning it's the trusty Trek 2100. Wet skies when I wake up almost always mean my wife's ancient but dependable Nishiki tank.
Clothing becomes more problematic below the waist particularly the closer I get to my feet. Between my waist and my ankles I wear a pair of tights and my supposedly waterproof Illuminite pants. I'll concede that my Illuminite pants are nearly waterproof. They take on water through the butt seam and have since I got them. Though that situation is irksome I'll take the Illuminite as they're way ahead of the so called rain pants they replaced that shredded after three rides. Given the promotional buildup they get you think they'd at least come with a bilge pump or something. Anyway, though not waterproof, the Illuminites are fantastically windproof and warm and perfect for dry rides. As far as my tights go, the Pearl Izumis conform to my body better than the Louis Garneaus but the chamois in the LGs is about a light year more comfortable. Nothing's perfect and I just have to lump it.
Call me obsessive compulsive but I can't stand having dirty hands or wet feet. You want to mindfuck me, there's the secret. I don't think there's any such thing as waterproof cycling gloves so I just peel 'em off when I get to my destination and wash my hands. Quickly. But for all the time I've put in considering how to keep my feet dry while pedalling in the rain I could've cured cancer or at least have read a really good book. For the time being, at least, I've come up with two solutions, one for the road bike and the other for the mountain bike. On the road bike, as I reported yesterday, I use my supposedly waterproof Hind shoe covers. Though more or less inadequate, they are an improvement over my supposedly water-resistant Pearl Izumi covers. The PIs seem to actively attract moisture. When wearing the Pearls with 1-gallon Glad freezer bags, waterproof was within reach. That was great if I didn't mind arriving somewhere with feet not rain soaked but certainly sweat slicked. Not to mention the bulk that would seem to diminish sensation while pedalling. On the Nishiki I abandon any pretension of cycling savoir faire. I wear field-tested waterproof hikers with wicking boot socks even with the full bike get up from the ankles north. With no clipless pedals I can go for comfort all the way. Even in fall deluge, day two I was only damp at the intersection of Illuminite and right boot sock when I got to work.